Never The Same

I have always pondered the whole nature vs. nurture thing. Being raised as a twin was a constant struggle for my own identity because as long as I could remember people had been erasing me by dressing me in the same exact clothes as my twin, same hair cut, same birthday presents, same everything. Always to the point where I felt stripped of my individuality, my uniqueness, not to mention toys that I actually had an interest in. Everyone just assumed that since I was a girl I had to like Barbies and that since Nicole really liked them than I must too. I hated Barbies. Except my Little Mermaid doll, she was cool (note how I used the word doll here, not Barbie). A good example of this goes back to my 5th birthday. Nicole and I were fighting over the theme of our party. She wanted a Barbie party and I wanted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Way cooler than lame ass Barbie if you ask me. Anyway, my parents made us compromise, so we had Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles decorations and a Barbie cake. I ate her head.

Either way we were different and because everyone always wanted to make us the same I was constantly looking for ways to separate myself from her. It's just amazing how young I can remember being and thinking this way, it started early for me and has been one of the few constants in my life. Nicole and I were raised by the same people, in the same way, yet, we are two completely different people and we have been since birth. Its when I think about this that I truly believe in souls.

The weird thing about it though is that it never really seemed to bother Nicole. She liked being close to me like that, always wanted to do everything with me and I would push her away because I felt so suffocated. I think she had a lot of issues with me because of that, I hurt her feelings a lot and we fought constantly for as long as I can remember or at least since the point I decided I didn't want to be, in any way, defined by her. I don't know, I have been thinking about my childhood a lot lately. Every once in a while it will resurface to torture and confine my thoughts.