I haven't been able to sleep lately...I can't find peace of mind for some reason. I'm exaughsted as it is and not sleeping at night is driving me insane.
What bothers me the most is that I can't figure out why, at least I don't know all of the reasons. I'm sure a part of it is the fact that I'm very stressed out. However, I can't help but feel like there is something else there...I've felt very haunted lately, almost like I didn't deal with something that I was suppose to. I lay down to go to sleep and I can just feel my heart racing and I instantly feel restless. I can't calm myself down enough for my body to relax.
I feel like I don't have complete control over my emotions and I hate that. I want to sleep, I love to sleep, but my mind and my feelings are getting in the way and they are winning.
I fear that I'm not going to be able to rest until I gain some sort of insight into what exactly it is that is bothering me. I need clarity in my life, I can't handle it when things become cloudy, its extremely scary for me. Especially when it has to do with my own feelings. I can't go back to that dark place, a place where I am constantly confused about myself. I'm going to figure this out and deal with it.
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
Life Is Beautiful
I truly feel overwhelmed by all the beauty in this world, and more importantly, by the wonderful people that can be found in it and, in a way, confirm that beauty.
I've recently gotten close to someone that just makes me feel so...leveled. It was a closeness and a connection that happened in what seemed to be a matter of seconds and it was just so easy...I think its amazing and special when you come across these people in your life because, for one, it doesn't happen very often, and for two, it was obviously meant to happen. I feel like I've known this person for years and I also feel like a part of me was almost missing up until now. Like I finally found a piece in my puzzle that just fits so perfectly.
It feels good to be able to just let things be the way that they are and accept them for what they are, especially when you've found something so extraordinary. It's a bit harder to fully accept something for what it is when whatever it is isn't so pleasant.
"If you can't change it, you accept it"
Its very extreme to find yourself balanced by another person, like they compliment who you are. I feel like I'm a few steps closer to figuring out who I am because of it and theres no taking something like that for granted. It might be a long and hard two years, but I don't know, I don't feel so alone in it anymore.
I've recently gotten close to someone that just makes me feel so...leveled. It was a closeness and a connection that happened in what seemed to be a matter of seconds and it was just so easy...I think its amazing and special when you come across these people in your life because, for one, it doesn't happen very often, and for two, it was obviously meant to happen. I feel like I've known this person for years and I also feel like a part of me was almost missing up until now. Like I finally found a piece in my puzzle that just fits so perfectly.
It feels good to be able to just let things be the way that they are and accept them for what they are, especially when you've found something so extraordinary. It's a bit harder to fully accept something for what it is when whatever it is isn't so pleasant.
"If you can't change it, you accept it"
Its very extreme to find yourself balanced by another person, like they compliment who you are. I feel like I'm a few steps closer to figuring out who I am because of it and theres no taking something like that for granted. It might be a long and hard two years, but I don't know, I don't feel so alone in it anymore.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
No Time
I haven't had much time for my own thoughts lately, hence the lack of journal entries. If I'm not at school, I'm at work and if I'm not at work, I'm at school.
This is my life right now, and I accept that.
It's going to be a lot of hard work and sacrifice to reach my goal, but I'll get there and it will be so...worth it. Though, as I start to lose weight from lack of time to eat and start to gain the dark circles under my eys from lack of sleep, I start to wonder just how much self sacrifice is actually considered healthy, if healthy even at all. I'm waiting for my body to adapt to these changes, more of a hopeful waiting actually. I hope I can survive this with dignity and honor.
I see the light at the end of the tunnel, it shines on my face brighter and brighter with each passing day, it gives me the warmth that I need to survive, to get through this.
Everything is going as planned and it just keeps getting better. But...I can't help but feel like there is something still missing from my life, I think its me...
This is my life right now, and I accept that.
It's going to be a lot of hard work and sacrifice to reach my goal, but I'll get there and it will be so...worth it. Though, as I start to lose weight from lack of time to eat and start to gain the dark circles under my eys from lack of sleep, I start to wonder just how much self sacrifice is actually considered healthy, if healthy even at all. I'm waiting for my body to adapt to these changes, more of a hopeful waiting actually. I hope I can survive this with dignity and honor.
I see the light at the end of the tunnel, it shines on my face brighter and brighter with each passing day, it gives me the warmth that I need to survive, to get through this.
Everything is going as planned and it just keeps getting better. But...I can't help but feel like there is something still missing from my life, I think its me...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
