Counting

I love the smell of the air right before it snows. That icy smell that is so beautifully complimented by the distinct scent of wood burning stoves and the fuzzy glow of lights. When the wind blows my eyes tear up and its always a mixture of the physical and the emotional. There's a certain sadness that blows in with the cold wind of winter, a certain chill that sends a small shiver throughout my body, a concrete feeling that I associate with the months of this season. Somehow this is balanced by the warmth that the celebration of a holiday brings. Some people embrace it, others reject, but I'm feeling neither here nor there. I'm here for the ride but only as an observer. I've decided that I need to relax and enjoy my life right now, because really, what's not to enjoy? I appreciate my circumstances because I know that it's not always going to be like this. I believe that acceptance goes hand in hand with appreciation and I accept myself right now, perhaps for the first time in my life. I've come a long way in the past few months and I'm proud of my exploration and experiences. I've accomplished a lot, not in the way of discovery, but in the way of acceptance, of appreciation, of pride, of self-worth, of me. I'm comfortable, I'm cozy, I'm warm and I created that heat, I didn't extinguish the spark this time. The flame may have burned some bridges, but I'm not counting my losses here, I'm counting what I've gained and-it's a lot.