Today is my dad's birthday, he would have been 42. (As I edit this I wonder if I'm going to have an entry that starts off like that every year...I'll try and mix it up a little) My dad passed away almost three months ago...it feels like three days ago. Every night when I lie down to go to sleep the moment that I close my eyes I am hit with what seems like thousands of bad memories and then I am just creamed by overwhelming emotion that leaks slowly from my eyes. Its like clockwork. After that its really hard for me to go back to sleep, I mean, who would want to go back to that? So I've become somewhat of an insomniac and I've definitely got some issues...
Anyway, I visited my dad's grave for a little while today which, honestly, is just weird for me. I really have no idea what to do with myself while I'm there so when I say a little while, I mean minutes. After that I went to my moms where we all drank michelob light and played rock band. By the way, just so you all know, I rule at every instrument in rock band-bring it. So that was fun and now I'm back in the city, the boys are gone so I have the entire apt to myself which rarely ever happens so I'm gonna go and do some crazy cleaning while listening to old Mariah Carey albums or I'll just smoke. Peace.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Just Bouncing (as in-peace out)
Over the past few months I've had extreme feelings leaning towards me just packing up and going somewhere totally random. Who knows how long I'd be gone, I'd just go but I'd be back-some day. I figure I've just been watching the travel channel way too much for my own good. I want Anthony Bourdains job. Lucky bastard. Whenever I watch that show I want to move to some strange Asian country where I'd be a chef and I'd live next to the jungle somewhere. I like Buddhism, I could totally live in Singapore. Shit, I'd even take the Bizzare Food guys job, I think I could eat most of that stuff if they flew me all over the world and paid me a lot of money.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A Chunk of My Timeline
I feel like people should know that I just disappear sometimes and people who know me well enough should know by now that I always find my way back. I've been lost and I'm just now getting to the point where I want to really see and talk to people. Lately it feels like I just can't get a break man.
The downward spiral started in November, actually it probably started way before that but lets just say it was November. I moved out of my house and lived with a couple of friends for a little over a month, that got crowded and so then I moved in with my good friend W and had a crazy, yet fun, December and January. February 1st I moved in with my girlfriend, finally out on our own and in our own apartment, woo! February 16th I was laid off from my job of 5 yrs because they lost one of our biggest accounts basically over a technical problem. So then for two months I desperately seek employment with no success, all the while my dad is getting sicker and sicker, and I can't pay for the new apartment I just moved into where I quickly start to feel like nothing there really belonged to me-because it didn't. April 25th my dad passes away, I still haven't found a job and bills at this point are just piling up. Two weeks after my dad passed away I moved out of my girlfriends apartment and back in with W. Soon after that the twin suggests that I come and work with her for a while cleaning houses, mainly so I could go on vacation with her and her boyfriend and some of his friends, she didn't want to be the only girl and so I agreed to do it, I needed the money and could also use a vacation. So I cleaned houses for pretty decent money all of May and June and then went on vacation June 30th through July 5th. I was sick the entire time with bronchitis and a sinus infection and didn't actually get better from that until a couple of days ago. I quit cleaning houses because I'm now looking into an electrician apprenticeship (insert confusion here) which I heard about while I was on "vacation" because my sister's boyfriend's friends are doing it. Honestly I'm just going with the flow at this point, I've accepted I have no control over a lot of whats going on in my life this year. 08-sucks and get this, my horoscope says that its not going to get any better until 2010. I mean, seriously? Anyway, at this point I want to do a job where I use my hands, if its one thing I did learn from cleaning houses its that I don't want to sit in front of a computer screen anymore. I mean I like fixing things and its really really good money and electricity sounds dangerously fun and interesting, ha ha. I just don't know guys, I just don't know.
So yeah, I think that pretty much updates me until the next disaster or two or three or four.
The downward spiral started in November, actually it probably started way before that but lets just say it was November. I moved out of my house and lived with a couple of friends for a little over a month, that got crowded and so then I moved in with my good friend W and had a crazy, yet fun, December and January. February 1st I moved in with my girlfriend, finally out on our own and in our own apartment, woo! February 16th I was laid off from my job of 5 yrs because they lost one of our biggest accounts basically over a technical problem. So then for two months I desperately seek employment with no success, all the while my dad is getting sicker and sicker, and I can't pay for the new apartment I just moved into where I quickly start to feel like nothing there really belonged to me-because it didn't. April 25th my dad passes away, I still haven't found a job and bills at this point are just piling up. Two weeks after my dad passed away I moved out of my girlfriends apartment and back in with W. Soon after that the twin suggests that I come and work with her for a while cleaning houses, mainly so I could go on vacation with her and her boyfriend and some of his friends, she didn't want to be the only girl and so I agreed to do it, I needed the money and could also use a vacation. So I cleaned houses for pretty decent money all of May and June and then went on vacation June 30th through July 5th. I was sick the entire time with bronchitis and a sinus infection and didn't actually get better from that until a couple of days ago. I quit cleaning houses because I'm now looking into an electrician apprenticeship (insert confusion here) which I heard about while I was on "vacation" because my sister's boyfriend's friends are doing it. Honestly I'm just going with the flow at this point, I've accepted I have no control over a lot of whats going on in my life this year. 08-sucks and get this, my horoscope says that its not going to get any better until 2010. I mean, seriously? Anyway, at this point I want to do a job where I use my hands, if its one thing I did learn from cleaning houses its that I don't want to sit in front of a computer screen anymore. I mean I like fixing things and its really really good money and electricity sounds dangerously fun and interesting, ha ha. I just don't know guys, I just don't know.
So yeah, I think that pretty much updates me until the next disaster or two or three or four.
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