You know how when a lot of bad things are happening all at once and for an extended period of time but you eventually get to that point where you sigh with relief because things are finally starting to get better? Yeah-I'm just not feeling that. My life has been an absolute shit storm for a year and 5 months now and I got nothing, but who's counting. Without a doubt this will be the year that I look back on and I think, damn, my life was just a mess. And you know what-I am a mess. I am a huge mess right now and people are freaking out. A couple of weeks ago my mom told me that she would pay off my car for me but that phrase was followed by-you need to get yourself together. That's not the only time she said those words that week either by the way. And trust me people, I know better than anyone else that I need to get a grip. On the other hand I feel like this is my time to be a mess. I was the golden child for 22 yrs, they had it easy sailing with me, I deserve this damnit. I deserve to be not ok, this is my fuck up time, every teenager gets it, so I'm a little late, give me a break.
I just, I don't know, I don't feel like I can move forward. And to add onto everything else that I'm going through my mother started seeing him again, it hasn't even been more than 4 months since my dad passed away. I suddenly feel so lost...I feel like I went from having 2 parents to having 0...I'm so done with this year.
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