Lonely

Everyone is sleeping and I feel alone. There has always been a certain loneliness that goes along with staying up way past what is considered acceptable for a "work night" or "school night". I use to do it all the time when I was a teenager, then it felt empowering and refreshing to finally find some silence and time to think and now it just feels depressing for some reason. I use to embrace the fact that I was a loner, I defined myself by that, I didn't really need anyone-what a crock of shit. Now that I am really alone I wish that I was nothing but alone. Funny how that works...

The fucked up thing is if I could just fall asleep I wouldn't have to feel any of this...I'd be dreaming like the rest of you. I hope you're not taking it for granted like I do when I sleep peacefully :) Anyway, my sleeping schedule is way jacked up at this point; I'm not really even sure if you could call it a schedule anymore. Really there's nothing "schedule" about me at this time in my life. Right now I'm inconsistent, irresponsible, contradicting, rebellious, and I just got distracted by the infomercial about the knife that can cut through everything, you know the one...And this is what night time television is like-I feel so brain dead. I shouldn't be thinking about which allergy medicine is best for me and if I see that male enhancement commercial one more time...I'll probably do nothing. I'm just rambling at this point-good night.