Things I don't need

"It's like taking a lens, focusing on a spot of grass and declaring it a forest." W.

Instead of putting a table in our dining room W and I decided to pitch a tent there. I mean, you don't really need a dining room table, you don't necessarily need a tent in your dining room either but a tent, a tent has many uses and infinite possibilities and there's only so much you can do with a dining room table. It's like being in a different world in which you can occasionally peer upon your life outside of it, its a strange and sometimes scary perspective. I'll look out into the living room and all I see are just things, I don't really need them to survive. All I really, truly need is shelter (I now have a tent), food (I could lose a few pounds), and water (easily dispensed from the faucet).

I'm also convinced the tent is magical. Time seems to just fly by when you're in there. I think its because time just doesn't exist in that place, I didn't want it in there. Really, I just enjoy sitting across from someone and talking about anything/everything and not having to worry about the environment, the background noise that can easily distract you from having a real conversation, but not in the tent, all you have is you and I like that. This tent has been my first major contribution to the communal area of the apartment and I love it more than my own bed. Honestly I've spent a ridiculous amount of time in there since we put it up. It's like a sanctuary inside of a sanctuary for me. I'm already thinking of all kinds of themed tent parties, which, by the way, we now call "The Dome". It sounds way cooler when I say it but anyways.

I've realized that I no longer live a conventional life, I don't want to. I rarely ever plan ahead, plans only lead to disappointment for me. The more and more I think about it a plan just seems like an eager attempt to make an experience feel genuine, maybe you don't need a plan. I'm done with going to school to become a doctor, that's what everyone else wanted for me. What I want to do is-everything. I don't want to pick one career and just walk that path for the rest of my life. I want to learn and experience as much as I possibly can and it seems like that would be impossible if I just chose one profession, not to mention unfair. When I do the same thing for a long amount of time I get bored and then I go on autopilot which then leads to me feeling depressed and under stimulated. I want to go to culinary school, I want to travel, I'm about to start an electrician apprenticeship and it wont be the last of the apprenticeship programs I enter either, I like doing things with my hands and I just think it'd be useful to learn a whole bunch of different trades.

I've been listening to a song called Grace by Saving Jane a lot lately and there are a few lines in that song that sing true to the way I've been feeling but there's one line in particular I'd like to share with you now:

"I struggle with the gift of my own free will."

I'm not struggling anymore-I'm free. I never in a million years thought I'd be happiest sitting in a tent, in the middle of a dining room, in the middle of the city. Cheers!