Glowing amber, burning hot

Burning slow.

Lately I feel like my life is taking major turns and new paths are opening up that I never thought I'd have to walk down and it scares me. I always thought I'd have my family and I'm not going to pretend like it doesn't hurt because it does, deeply. It's a loneliness that stings because now it feels like I have no foundation, nothing to fall back on if I did in fact have no one else. Even writing that it seems like a selfish reason to want a family and its not the only one but its definitely what I feel the most now that I've been exiled, banished because I spoke my true feelings. That seems to be biting me in the ass a lot lately.

When I complain about my life I also like to think about the things for which I am grateful. Right now I am grateful for W. He's my room mate and my best friend and if I didn't have him right now I'd truly be lost. I'm not ashamed to say that I need him right now and that's because he exudes a level of comfort and welcome that's hard to deny, even for me. I appreciate that more than I could ever express in words. He's my wing man, my goose, basically my homo-life mate and we're taking on the world, shaking things up and trying new things and that's something that I have to be excited about. I'm not alone and I've decided that life is too short to let any kind of opportunity pass me by, if its right in front of me, I'm going for it. W showed me a quote and I couldn't help but feel like it really summed me up right now.

Quote: Its hard to wait around for something you know might never happen,
but its even harder to give up when you know its everything you want.

I'm not at a point in my life where I'm just going to wait for things to happen to me, you have to make a move, at least do something and I realize that now.