Just Done

I realize that I'm at a point in my life where I have little to zero tolerance for other people's bull shit. A lot has gone down in the past few days and I'm shockingly ok with it, I'm actually less stressed because of it. Basically my mom now knows how I truly feel about the fact that she's dating the man that she cheated on my dad with 3 years ago, the man she swore to all of us that she'd never see again, all the way up to my dad's dying days. It just amazes me, its salt on an old but fresh wound. I feel like I've barely gotten to grieve the death of my father and now I have to deal with seeing that asshole? I just can't act like everything is dandy, my siblings and I are all very hurt by this yet I seem to be the only one that actually has the balls to say something. Sorry mom-I'm not shoving this one under the rug. I didn't even tell my mom how I felt directly, not at first anyway. I went and talked to my aunt about the situation, get my feelings out, talk to an adult that could possibly shed some light on the issue, someone more mature than me, someone with more perspective. In the end, I chose the one person that would leak my mom's dirty little secret to the rest of the family. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time, but on a subconscious level I wanted people to know. I decided that its not my responsiblity to keep this hidden and I refuse to carry the burden of that responsibility. I'm just not in a place to do that anymore and I don't think that I ever will be again. She made this decision, not me. Anyways, somehow my mom found out that I had "talked" and then proceded to send me some of the most hurtful text messages ever. Childish things. I'm pretty sure her words were, "Wow, you stabbed ur own mother in the back. What the hell did I ever do to you? I have done nothing but support you and your decisions even if I thought they were wrong. You're lucky I paid your car off before I found this out, you're not getting another penny from me. Also, I wouldn't drive your car too much because I'm taking you off my insurance."

And this is where I just rip that to shreds. First of all, she has no right to call me a back stabber, I mean, look in the freaking mirror. If there was nothing wrong with what you are doing than why do you need to hide it? Second of all, I haven't asked my parents for anything since I was 17 and she offered to do that for me, I never would have asked, they would have repoed my car before I would have asked. Thirdly, as a parent, isn't it your responsibility to step in if you think I'm making the wrong decisions or at least say something?

If all she has is things and money to take away from me than she truly hasn't gained anything, but she's lost a great deal. Now I really have gone from having 2 parents to 0. I will not speak to her. I told her that she's obviously made her decision and that we should just be done with it. I am parentless, hell, familyless if you ask me. I dont want to have anything to do with anyone, not even family members that aren't involved in this situation. Cut off. Honestly I feel relieved not having to deal with family right now, I've voiced my opinion and I've been kicked out. So be it. And hey, I'm the gay one, totally disposable right?

I feel like I no longer have anything binding myself to this place...I want to live where other people vacation.