I don't know...

How do you give advice to someone or console someone when that's all they have done for you your entire life? How do you find the words when the tables are turned, so suddenly and without warning?

Ever since my dad was diagnosed with cancer he comes to talk to me often...Sometimes its just to tell me about something nerdy that he's read and I'll pretend like I'm extremely interested, I was always good at that...it's because I love him and I know it makes him happy. Other times, like a few minutes ago, he'll come to me to talk about how he's feeling or about how him and my mom got into a fight, or if him and the twin got into it. This time, it was all three of those things, at once. I have been wondering when the fighting would start for a while now and here it finally is...And here I am, stuck in the middle, as each of the parties involved comes to me to talk about it...

Seeing my dad cry is one of the hardest things to bare, if not the hardest...And it makes me feel more good than bad that my dad feels comfortable confiding in me and that he values my input. However, whenever I am left to regroup after one of these conversations I am consumed by a sadness that is so overwhelming that I just don't know how to feel or what to do or where to go to for help. I don't like discussing these things with people that are a part of my life, I don't like to see my friends saddened by what I'm going through and you can see it in their eyes if I do decide to talk about it. So, more often than not, the burden that each of them gives to me is left with me and that is where it stays. I'm just so scared that one day my legs will buckle out from under me...