Emancipating Me

I'm at a place in my life where I feel like I don't know where I belong. I'm not saying that I thought my emancipation would be easy...the fact that I miss certain things and people so much is what surprises me and I miss my freaking cats. Right now I'm struggling with keeping my head held high...its hard for me to stay focused on the light at the end of the tunnel. Keeping my eyes on the prize seems impossible when the prize is something I imagine, a dream of mine that always seems just out of reach. This is me forcing myself to go for it, I took away all of the obstacles...but created new ones simultaneously. I've always had a problem with sticking to the reality of things. The reality is that I left my home and my family at a difficult time, but where do I draw the line between doing what is best for them and doing what is best for me? The reality is that I'm living in my friends living room and I have to pull out a couch bed when I want to go to sleep but how do I know when I've over-stayed my welcome? The reality is that I'm sad about a lot of things and happy about things that haven't happened yet. The reality is that things only seem to be getting harder and I don't know when its ok to give up. Is it ever ok to give up, to admit defeat, admit that maybe I'm not strong enough for this right now? No, I'm too stubborn for that...I'll die trying to do this before I take a step back into the nest. I may lose some things, maybe even some people...I just hope that in the near future I'll be able to lay my head down on my pillow and wake up in place where I feel like I belong. I'm surrounded by people that have no idea what its like to not have a home, I'm alone, truly alone in that aspect and I'm tired of soaking this inch thick mattress with my tears of self pity. Suck it up Amanda, swallow this pain for just a little while longer. I can do this.