Cancer

My dad has pancreatic cancer. Turns out, they can't operate on him. It has spread from his pancreas to his liver, aorta, spleen and spine. He will start chemotherapy and radiation very soon, but eventually, this will kill him. I'm trying to ignore the 3-6 month prognosis that the doctors have given him...

This is too much for me to handle...Reality is hitting me like a wrecking ball and destroying everything in it's path. I feel completely outside of myself, almost as if it's someone else's life. You just don't think that something like this can happen to you until it does. You hear about this kind of thing all the time and you think, wow, that's so sad...But you never truly realize that it can happen to you just as easily as it happened to them.

My dad came to me yesterday...he said, "It's time for you to grow up now." The funny thing is-I thought I was so grown up and I can tell you now, I've never felt more like a little girl than I did when he said that to me...Everyone keeps telling me that I'm the strong one and that my dad can count on me to take care of everyone and every time someone says that to me I can't help but think-I have you all so fooled. I'm not strong, I'm not going to take this very well and this time I don't have a solution.

It hurts, physically. I feel like I got the wind knocked out of me, but that feeling of not being able to breathe never goes away. This makes everything else I've ever been upset about seem so extremely petty and unimportant.

My dad is one of the few people that actually understand me. He's one of the few people I can have the same 3 hour conversation with and not get bored or frustrated, if not the only one. He's...my dad. He's my dad and he's being taken away from me, from my family. I don't know what to do...I'm so scared...