I just read my entire old blog...It kind of scared me...It's so dark in there...It seemed like I was on the virge of having some huge break down all the time...Maybe I was, I look at that and think, wow, was I really that unhappy? Did I even know I was that unhappy? A lot of those entries I don't even remember writing or where on earth they came from inside me. All in all, when I look at that, I see myself hiding...That's not me...
At the same time, however, I can truly appreiciate myself in that state, whatever is, I can't even really define it. But, I look at those entries and there is a lot of truth there, its hidden, but its there.
A lot of those entries are about me breaking free, I was always trying to escape something, always suffocating...Whatever it was, its gone.
I'm happy to say that I am a different person now. There was a dark cloud that followed me around for a while, it became my shadow and in essence eventually took over resulting in the things I wrote in that blog. It depressed me to read that, I was so lost and its so clear to me now just how lost I was.
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8 comments:
I would always think from your old entries that you were depressed a lot of the time. However when I would be around you, you seemed far from it.
Yeah, I think by that time I got really good at convincing myself and other people that I was fine. But man, when I go back and look at that journal, I really wasn't ok. It's weird to be able to look at yourself from an "outsiders" point of view.
You go girl. *snap snap*
Just leave the past where it should be, behind you. As long as you are happy now, does it matter how you may have felt at one time? If your old entries depress you just delete them both physically and mentally, should be a freeing experience.
See...I would do that. However, those types of things I also like to keep very close to me, I suppose I am a bit jaded in that way.
I guess we are all 'jaded' in that way.
You can't put things behind you. I absolutely disagree with Anonymous. Bury skeletons all you want -- they'll surface. Each of us has a shadow-self -- and it follows us everywhere. Delete everything you can -- but I promise someone (a hacker perhaps?) will dig it up later on.
You know something, you are right. No matter how far you move on how much you change your past will always be there, and I guess that it is better not to forget so we do not return to our former selves. Life should be a growing experience and how can you grow if you don't remember who you use to be.
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